‘No f***ing way’: UFC rolled the dice and won big. Now it will walk away — but there’s another bold idea

Every great gambler knows when to walk away from a table.

Which explains why there are so few, right?

And why Dana White, around three o’clock on Monday morning here in Washington DC, will tell Fox Sports Australia and other journalists gathered about him how “I don’t ever want to be f***ing outside ever again”.

Which hurts.

Understanding that even after 16 years covering fight sports we’ve never experienced anything like the event which, some eight hours earlier, had opened with those two presidents walking, stride by stride, down onto the South Lawn.

Then from there?

UFC 329: McGregor v Holloway 2 | SUN 18 JULY 11AM AEST | Conor McGregor is back. The Irish superstar takes on the always dangerous Max Holloway in a rematch 13 years in the making | Order Now with Main Event on Kayo Sports.

Well, think the greatest American carnival ride ever.

A chaotic Star Spangled mash of sensory overload where through six hours, seven fights, and as many finishes, Justin Gaethje starred, The Claw starred, the troops starred, then roared, just like the US Navy Blue Angel bombers overhead, and as Trump grinned, Zac Brown sang, Tyson Fury emerged – huh? — Mark Zuckerberg cheered, Ilia Topuria bled, and the President’s Band … well, they went and nailed one walkout song after another.

Truly, this one attack the senses so heavily that, we reckon, across the way in that neighbouring parkland dubbed The Ellipse — where over 100,000 gathered for the greatest UFC watch party ever — you have to think a couple of those red Maga caps may have popped right off the top of heads.

Indeed, that’s certainly how things felt on press row at the top of Trump’s $60 million Colosseum — up among not only those cheering troops in dress uniforms, but directly beneath what appeared to be a US Secret Service watchtower, or sniper’s nest maybe?

Bottle this night? Man, you’re making generational wealth.

Yet when White was asked specifically about that back at the UFC fighter hotel, and while flanked by his victors at a UFC Freedom 250 press conference, this man who knows more than a little about blackjack tables said it won’t be happening again.

“No sir,” he replied. “I don’t ever want to be f***ing outside again.

“There is just too much leading up to the fight that you have to sweat. Unless you’re in Abu Dhabi … I could be the weatherman in Abu Dhabi and be right every time.”

WRAP: White House stunned by ‘one of the greatest upsets’ as ex-champ ‘like you’ve never seen’

‘F***ING WILD’: Inside $60m White House UFC spectacle… aka, the craziest party America ever had

REACTION: All-time White House boilover stuns as dominant UFC champ accused of ‘quitting’

White of course, isn’t a weatherman.

Instead, he controls the UFC, which you could argue has almost as many moving parts as Mother Nature, who on this night – and like so much of everything else – chose to muck in for the event’s success.

Understanding how after White and his UFC executives had spent days working through contingency plans for the troublesome thunderstorms predicted for fight night, those two presidents eventually walked out to … yep, clear skies.

Bet big, win big, right?

And sure, the event was delayed one hour. But given the dire warnings about rain, dangerous winds, even lightning, this was still an incredible result on an incredible night and with incredible fights.

“We were seeing the storm all day,” White said. “And this is f***ing crazy, but the storm went like this …”

At which point up there behind the podium, White spreads his hands just like he were Moses parting the Red Sea, grinning: “It literally went around the White House.”

Which after six incredible hours, was just one of several key talking points …

UFC FREEDOM 250 WAS PERFECT

Or close enough.

Here was a night where it wasn’t too hot, or wet, where the breeze kept the bugs away, where the fighters starred, the finishes flowed, and the troops installed a wonderfully hoorah atmosphere that tied it all together.

According to White, UFC Freedom 250 not only brought some 200,000 fans to The Ellipse over two days, or left billionaires “flipping out”, but also hit countless other KPIS … including merchandise sales doubling their previous event record.

Then, of course, you had the fights. Which culminated with that real life American psycho Gaethje doing the most Gaethje s*** ever … which for a moment, put even the White House into the shadows.

GAETHJE IS THE GREATEST UFC UNDERDOG EVER …

While others have won UFC gold at greater odds, no fighter has continually defied the doubters quite like this American berserker hailing from an Arizona mining town and fighting accordingly.

On a night where Gaethje, as a six-to-one dog, seemed headed to his own execution against Ilia Topuria, he instead ate brutal body shots, got dropped, hung tough, survived a submission attempt, got up, rallied, dropped his rival, painted his face claret, almost had a doctor wave it off, then left Topuria’s team with no choice.

All of which earned UFC lightweight gold in not only Gaethje’s 10th outing as an Octagon underdog, but with a title upset to rival the likes Matt Serra, Michael Bisping, Nate Diaz, and Holly Holm.

Now our pick for the greatest UFC underdog story ever.

IT WAS POLITICAL BUT …

OK, so coming into this one, UFC boss Dana White stressed it wasn’t political, which is something of a tough sell given not only his incredibly close links to Trump, but that incredible influence UFC had on the president’s re-election.

But on this night, things were done just about as right as they could be.

While the evening opened with all eyes on Trump walking into what has to be the greatest backyard birthday bash ever – especially for a fella turning 80 — there was no real fawning over the man during a night where, largely, the spotlight went elsewhere.

And, largely, thanks to those seven fistfights inside a steel cage.

Sure, US heavyweight Josh Hokit declaring “Michelle Obama is a man” was a brief low point. Still, it was brief. And certainly not enough to deter from the fact this event was close enough to perfect.

And as for those naysayers who, during the build, and even on fight night, branded the whole thing distasteful, tacky, wildly tone deaf, a marketing play, even corrupt?

“F*** ‘em,” White shrugged afterwards.

THE FIGHTERS’ MATCHED THE STAGE PROVIDED.

Which sounds impossible. But it happened.

And right from the first fight too, where Diego Lopes not only dropped Steve Garcia, or finished with nasty ground and pound, but then climbed atop the cage to create a breathtaking White House image that has since gone global.

Throughout the week, several UFC analysts had remarked how UFC Freedom 250 likely needed at least one upset to try and keep pace with what may be the greatest Streetfighter level ever created.

Instead, we got two – with the event’s two biggest names, Ilia Topuria and Alex Pereira, both being finished.

All of which continually brought to its collective feet a crowd that included the likes of Melania Trump, who sat beside her husband throughout, plus Vice President JD Vance, Secretary of State Marco Rubio, comedians Shane Gillis and Tony Hinchliffe, Las Vegas Raiders star Maxx Crosby, singer Kid Rock, Reddit co founder Alexis Ohanian, and FBI director Kash Patel.

Throw in too, several prominent types who reportedly paid up to $1.5 million to attend the event and rub shoulders with Trump.

VOLK’S GYM MAY SOON HAVE ANOTHER UFC CHAMP

Great to see a handful of Australians on the White House lawn Sunday night, including cruiserweight king Jai Opetaia – who is signed to White’s Zuffa stable – and Alexander Volkanovski, who cornered breakout Brazilian lightweight Mauricio Ruffy.

Apart from having Ruffy already train sporadically out of his Windang gym, Volk told us this week that his new stablemate may soon move Down Under permanently – and is destined to become a champion.

And given the way he finished American Michael Chandler? Well, it’s hard to argue.

Better, he then proposed to his wife while still inside the cage. And of course she said yes on an incredible undercard boasting Sean O’Malley’s stunning walk off KO, complete with military salute, and Ciryl Gane bashing up Alex Pereira’s quest for greatness.

Here was a night where the fights, just like the President’s band, the colour guard, even the pyrotechnics guys responsible for those closing fireworks out over the Washington Monument were all perfect.

NEXT STOP, A U.S MILITARY BASE?

While White has no intention of ever hosting another fight outdoors, he revealed in the early hours of Monday morning that he and Trump are already discussing the idea of an event at a U.S military base.

“The president and I are talking about an event for the troops next year,” he said. “It’s not easy to get things done on U.S military bases but obviously the president can get things done.

“[Laughs] He wanted it this year too, but I said ‘sir, I need a year to recover financially from the White House fights … give me a year’.”

So what if Trump were to ask for another backyard bash?

“I can’t afford it,” White grinned. “There’s no f***ing way we can do this again.”

And having been on The White House lawn, you get it.

Hate it.

But get it.